4 plus AM in the morning..

She looks happy on the inside, but deep down inside, she's hurting..

HeartFelt

I've been thinking a lot lately.. Actually, most of the time whenever i'm alone, i tend to think a lot & it leads me to nowhere. I'm not an optimistic person & I've plenty of negatives thoughts in me. I guess that's the reason why i feel emotional. Whenever i feel miserable, i'd try to think positively however it only lasted awhile. & then again, i feel emotional..

If you follow me on twitter, the time i feel emotional is when you see me spamming my tweets with a whole lot of emo thoughts.. I don't really like to share with people what i am really thinking unless i feel that i really need their words to keep me positive.

Sometimes i wonder, does everyone has thoughts like me? They say people may look happy on the outside but they are actually screaming on the inside. Does that happen to everyone? Why can't i see it. It feels as if i am the only one feeling this way. I wish i was a much more positive person. Then maybe things would be easier for me.

One of the days, i went out with C. & she told me the group of friends we usually hang out with felt that I've drifted way from them because i had a boyf. It took me some time to realize it. & yea, i guess we guys really drifted.. We don't hang out much often anymore except during breaks in school. I'm sorry i neglected you guys, because i myself didn't realize it. But i want you guys to know, every single one of you holds a place in my heart. Yup, every single one. There may be misunderstandings or small little tiffs, but you guys are still dear to me. Because you people were the ones who stand by me when i was at my lowest point. Please know that if anyone of you has difficulties with anything, I will be there for you, definitely. Sorry for being a bad friend ): but i'll try & i'm still learning.. I love you guys very very much, really i do.

I can't help but to feel disappointed with myself sometimes. I don't know to manage my time well & i don't know which are my priorities & which are not.. At the end of the day, it is just filled with disappointments because of the choices i made. I need to fix this.. but how will i ever do it right?

Hello Stranger.

04:24AM.

I'm on my bed right now. Since i'm waiting for my hair to dry, i'll update this space a little..

Had dinnz with my mom & sis @ eastpoint. We ate chinese & it was good. It was our 2nd time to that restaurant. Other than the slow service, everything's good(:

Met J after dinner with my mom. & we headed down to Ikea to get my night light! After which, caught Hello stranger at TM. The movie was effing funny! I'd rate it a 4.5/5? But it was kinda draggy that i got a little bored towards the end..

Gotta wake up early later on so i guess i am gonna go to bed right now! I'm all cleaned, weather's good for sleeping, just one thing that's missing is baby ): wish he could be able to sleep beside me right now. Even though we just met just now, but i'm missing him so much already ): Guess he's asleep already, stupid boy didn't send me a goodnight text!

haha, if you're wondering why Mr Dorng's above his picture. Those who watch Hello Stranger will be able to catch it(:

Alright, off to bed right now. GN!

Oreo Cupcake for the boy.

Everything's good except for the icing part. It didn't turn out that nice but i'm quite satisfied with the outcome! Heh. & an impromptu decision to make a card for him. I think it's so pretty! Never expect myself to sketch & draw everything out so nicely too! Happy that he's happy(:

oh & my blogging vibe is backkkkk!(:

12122010

You mean the world to me

..........even when you're so annoying!

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday.

Omgosh. Editing pictures isn't easy at all! & the speed of my laptop isn't helping.. It took me 2 hours plus to edit just a few photos? & after collaging all the photos together, i'm so lazy to blog already. Haha, that happens all the time, that's why I've a lot of collage in my folders that are left untouched/unblogged.

I've so many many MANY things to update about but i only pick a few to update.

It was Crestlyn's birthday last Saturday! & we celebrated with her over at power house(: I'm not a good drinker & most of the time i'd puke after drinking but i was surprise that i was still sober despite drinking more than what i usually drink that day.

After that night, i went off first to meet J at pasir ris. That boy is damnn sweet i swear. He woke up at 0430am to prepare some stuffs before coming to meet me. & he had to wake up early the next day to study for his test.

So this was what I've got.......

Sandwiches & a heart shape egg(he is damn proud for his egg.)

& papaya milkshake which became a little bit like yoghurt hahaha, that we didn't take picture of.

It came at the right time because i was hungry after partying that night!

Thankyou babyyyyyy i love the sandwiches, make more for me can? hahahahaha.

------------------------------------------------

Okay, next is my bangkok trip with my Dad & sis.

On the first day, it was dad & i over at bangkok first because my sister had school. My dad went to MBK mall while i went over to Platinium! Every thing was familiar for me there & the feeling was goood! Shopped like there's no tomorrow! Shopping alone is my favorite therefore i had a lot of fun at platinium just by myself. During the night, my sister arrived.

On the 2nd day, went over to chak tu chak(sp?) The clothes there are crazily cheap!!! & i finally bought my dog's stuff. So much cheaper as compared to Singapore's!! Then we headed down to MBK to get some stuffs before we went to this chinese restaurant for dinner. The food was damn good! The sweet & sour chicken (or is it prawn? i can't remember) we ate. Omg that was like my fave dish among all.

Last day, it was platinium again. Bought a lot of clothes & high waist shorts. Was a happy girl over at bangkok! Was busy shopping over at bkk so we didn't take much photos. There are a few though. Haha, which are mostly me..

The burden's down.

HELL YEAH FYP I'M THROUGH WITH YOUUUUUUUU!

FYP

So, time flies.. It's the 2nd and last FYP evaluation tomorrow! Hell fucking yeah!!! Few hours ago, i was so stressed up with my log book but now, i am worries free because i've finally completed my it!! Seriously, it feels like i am writing a really long essay & my hand hurts from all that writing! & i don't know why ALL my pens ran out of ink. It's either there isn't any ink or halfway while writing, it ran out of ink. So annoying! Can't friggin wait for tomorrow to be over. It's like one of the major burden down!!

Anyway, it's C's birthday today!! We're gonna celebrate it together with her during the night. MAY IT BE A TIME OF HER LIFE!(: Exciteddddd ^-^

Yup, so it's time for me to head to bed. My session's in the morning(sighz). Gotta be in school by 0815am. Wish me the best people!

Nights!(:

Life

“There have been lots of ups and downs, but ultimately at the end of the day, that’s what makes you who you are. We all know how to laugh, we all know how to cry, we all know how to love back, and we’re all familiar with heartbreak, but the world keeps moving and we keep moving with it and everything we experience helps us realize how beautiful life really is."

SCM

Cheering for Standard Chartered Marathon.

Wake up.

I need to fix myself. I'm getting too lazy nowadays, getting so tired without any reasons & i don't have the motivation for school at all. I'm just practically wasting my time right now. I don't even think i am putting my 100% to do my work when I've promised to study hard this semester. I know i'm gonna regret if my attitude continues being like that.. I know what are the consequences but i am not doing anything at all. Where is the motivation?

I promise..

"I suck with words. but sometimes, words aren’t the thing. Love isn’t about words; it’s about what you do. And what I did, running away, it was stupid. We both know love is a big, scary, evil concept. But if you feel it, it’s going to follow you around like a hungry dog. I didn’t mean to say that love is a dog. I just mean I’m not going anywhere. I love you. If love beats me up, let’s just beat it up right back. We can do this. If you’re ready to make the jump, I’ll be right there to catch you."

-Tumblr

Eletheowl

"The best part of having a relationship is getting to call the person or lay down next to them and tell them all the crazy things that happened to you all day long. And in the end that’s what it’s about, kids. It’s not about the sex, it’s not about the money that they give you or whatever. It’s not about how good-looking they are, it’s about, can they listen to you talk for hours and hours and hours about stupid shit that doesn’t matter. And if they can, then you’re meant to be together forever. Even if that means you have to call them 100 times, that’s okay."

I don't want this moment to end, where everything's nothing without you.

I think i should start blogging regularly right? Haha, but sometime's i'm just to lazy to update..

I'm feeling so tired right now, my eyes are on the verge of shutting down but i'm gonna get this done first before i go to bed. I've UT on my no school day tomorrow, damn it. But it's the last UT already(:

Life's good, very very good for me right now. I am a very happy person, having something to look forward to every time i wake up(: Whenever i'm happy, i'd always wish for this to last forever. & i wish for this to last. I know people always say nothing last forever, but i'd do my best to make things work and last as long as it could.

Days with jooooonyboooooy has been good. I enjoyed every single moment of it. Especially today. We went for a proper date, just the two of us & it was rather impromptu. He came to pick me up after my UT and drove down to Kovan for laksa. Rather satisfying for a rainy weather! Caught Rapunzel thereafter & the movie is so awesomeeeeeeee! I wish i had magic hair like Rapunzel tooo!

Okay i really cannot tahan already. I'm typing this with my eyes closed. I need my sleep now.

But before i go, i'll end this post with this(:

Goodnight all~

Even angels have their wicked schemes.

So, i didn't go to school today again. Haha. Trust me, i wanted to go. But y'know whenever you wake up, the feeling of not going to school is so strong. & while i was thinking about whether i should go or not, i fell asleep......... yup so that's how i ended up not going to school.

Got up at about 11am, washed up, ate, did some stuffs & continued on my FYP report. After friday, i am free from reports! Seriously, doing report is not fun at all! Especially when you feel that you've typed so many words already but when you look at the word count, it only increase by a bit. So annoying really..

Waiting for sammy now. She's gonna be late. So i'm gonna stay at home for a little while. Will be heading to FEP to get my dress altered for cheerexaz's DnD this coming sat!! (: & of cause dinner with her. I am so fucking hungry!!

Monday Blues....

Back to school after 4 days in bangkok..

JonnyBoy

Hey sweetie,

Ever since you came into my life, my life become a hundred times better. The day i knew you, us being together, has never gotten into my mind before.. But guess what, we are together right now (: You've never failed to make me feel special. & me being special to you, makes me happy. Being in bangkok right now, made me realize how important you're to me because you'll never know how much i miss you when i am here.. Even when i am crazily shopping right here, trust me, i do think of you too. I've never felt this happy for a long time so, thank you for making me smile or laugh without having to put a fake front. Our relationship do mean something to me & i'll do whatever it takes to make it stronger or fix it if when it is broken.

Can't wait to see you tomorrow first thing when i get back.

Love, Leee Ling

Hello from Bangkok!

Okay, the title says it all! Yes i am in bangkok right now. Crazy shopping since yesterday. It's gonna be the last day of shopping tomorrow before i head back to Singapore. I can't wait!! Can't wait to get back to see all my friends & my baby boy(: I miss everyone so so much!

Anyway, the hotel i am staying is omfg awesome. If only i had a room like this!!!

LUV Y'ALL

I JSUT WANNA FCUKING SHOUT TO THE FUCKING WORLD TAHT I AM FUCKING HAPPY WITH LIFE NOW EVEN WITH THOSE LIL OBSTACLES & I WANNA SHOUT OUT TO ALL MY FIRENDS THAT YOU ALL MADE SO MCUH DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE & Y'ALL WERE ALWYAS RIGHT BEHIND ME WHENEVER I FALL. NO WORDS CAN DESCRIBE HWO MUCH YOU GUYS MEAN TO ME. I LVOE YOU ALL!!

Are they always like that?

I've always wonder if all guys are like that..

Do all guys love girls because of their looks or because of what's inside of them? When they get to know girls they think that are pretty or cute on the first look, but completely chuck them aside once they think that the girls are actually not very pretty/cute. Sometimes it makes us feel inferior of ourselves when they do that. I really admire girls who ain't that good looking but have such high confidence of themselves. I want to be like them too, but how?

How are we supposed to tell ourselves we look beautiful every single day when most of the time, there will always be some one who will brings us down.

Sigh....need to get this off my chest.

I need some vodka, pina coladas, ‘cause I can’t dance to save my life.

B O R I N G G G G G G. Here we go again, the new week's gonna begin. After this week, it's gonna be the exam week. & after the following week it's the FYP report submission. November's gonna be a tough want. Sigh.....

Please, i pray i will get through everything smoothly. Maybe just a little stumbles? ^^

Gotta go down to Clinelle tomorrow again, to get that 100$ hamper. I'm still thinking if i should forgo it. Because Boon Keng is so inconvenient for me. The other time i went, i left that place fuming. I got lost at bendemeer area, walking rounds & rounds like a fool trying to search for that place. I took a cab there & when i reached, the place was closed already. Urghhh... tell me, how can i not be mad?! Hopefully it will not be the same thing tomorrow!

Sigh.. I really don't feel like going school tomorrow because it's gonna be AI. It's chemistry once again. I don't understand why do we have to always study Chemistry. First it was Chem I, then Chem II, now AI. Okay, no point whining anyway. I still have to take that module.. Just hope that tomorrow it will be all good!

Okay actually i've a lot to blog but idk why my mind is all blank now. K so blog next time, toodles.

Are you a Blackberry Addict?

Illnesses from which BB addicts suffer :

1 You bring ur BB to the bathroom with you
2 Complete happiness when u reach a traffic light or get stuck in traffic
3 You giggle or burst out into hysterical fits of laughter even when you are alone
4 It doesn’t matter who or what is around you
5 Back aches, neck pains and problems with posture
6 You leave your nails as short as possible so u can glide across your keypad
7 You sleep with your BB beside you
8 Completely obsessed with BBM
9 Free publicity and marketing for BB
10 You make fun of other cell phone brands, especially nokia
11 Depression when something happens to your BB
12 Stress when your BB has no BIS/3G
13 Bipolarity and random fits of rage when the BB service goes

Everyone is struggling.

I was blog hopping & i chance upon this blog which i felt really sad after i read it. Every thing she wrote was almost exactly what i went through. I believe she's nice & she's really pretty!! I don't think she deserved to be treated like that. But, there are always 2 sides to the story. I just hope she could find her way out soon & be happy again because that's what everyone deserved to be.

I was talking to S the other day in the taxi & i really felt so light hearted after pouring everything out to her. & I can finally get to sleep well that night. But i got disturbed by cramps! urgh. Anyhow, I'm happy.. everything's over & i get to see who's there & who is not. There were even friends whom i don't know well, being there for me. I guess after this, everything made me stronger & i am not gonna fall back to what i was ever again. Nobody said it was easy, but nobody also said i cannot do it.

I feel different today.

I feeel......................................................................................

great!(:

Halloween

I'm missing halloween already!

Because lesson ended early..

1-10 things about yourself:
1. I love wearing slippers even if it doesn't match my outfit.
2. My blackberry is a something i cannot live without.
3. I hate being forced.
4. There are so many things i could do within a day but i'm just lazy to do so.
5. I like being treated like a kid.
6. I cannot do without Make-up.
7. I like to cuddle (:
8. Sometimes I feel life is meaningless, it makes me want to die.
9. I'd like a Christian name but i can't think of any perfect one.
10. I tweet a lot, sometimes it can gets rather annoying. ( RIGHT MY FOLLOWERS?)

I just hope you'll miss me a little when i'm gone.

Okay, so i wasted my saturday sleeping. How great. Was supposed to head out but after all those preparing & stuffs, i felt tired & i decided not to instead. Haha, again i wasted my time preparing & i had to wash it all off before going to bed. Alan even asked me to cam whore to make my make up worth it. Hahah.

Spent my sunday lazing at home. Watching chinese dramas & then dinner at Jumbo seafood restaurant with my Dad, bro & his girlf..

Urghz, my dad is going hongkong & bangkok next month. I am so fucking tempted to go but y'know what. I've got bloody school & damn RP for changing the system now.

Hongkong & bangkok, sorry i'm not coming for you............... :(

I'm still alive!

Okay it has been ages since i last came here. Blame myself for being lazy to update this space. Heh

so let's see what have you guys missed out?!

- Bangkok trip

- Training Camp

- Rexaz's Chalet

- A visit to Aggy's new home

- Out with the Rexaz Senior Girls.

I'm only gonna talk about my bkk trip. I HAD HELL LOAD OF FUN SHOPPING AT BKK. For those who went there before, you guys should know how effin cheap the stuffs is & omg for a moment i felt like a king there. I really wanna visit bkk again. I did shopping alone btw due to the time constraint.

& i need to mention this. The mango & glutinous rice is the nicest i ever ate! Not forgetting the red ruby & milk tea (it's called char yen there, if im not wrong) too. Omg its fucking heaven i tell you. Fucking craving for it now :(

The only thing i regretted not buying there was some necessities for my dog because it's damn fucking cheap!

Bkk is so fun, i can live there & be king foreverrrr hahahaha.

“Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you’re a good person and a good friend. What’s meant to be will end up good and what’s not - won’t. Love is worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you just have to move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and not lose something real. Always fight, until you can’t anymore, and then be fought for.”

—	(via raindropsonredroses)

For those who are sad.

You’ve been through the worst of times, but you made it through all of them, even if it took you long time. Some things take longer than others, but everything takes time. This is just another thing, and you’re going to make it through this. You’ve been through worse than this, but you pulled through. You’re a strong person, and you’re going to fight this battle. You’re going to be proud of yourself when you do, and you’re going to be okay. Everything is going to be fine. Life is full of challenges and you have to fight hard battles, that’s the way it is but you have to know that there are people who love and care about you and there’s always someone to talk to. Someone that understands. You’re not alone even if you feel alone. When you’re lying in bed, crying yourself to sleep, just know that there are hundreds of other people doing the same thing. We all know what it’s like to feel helpless, worthless, ugly, lonely, depressed, and angry. We all know what it’s like to feel like no one is there. But someone is there, and they’re thinking of you too. Just remember everything happens for a reason.

-tumblr

Sorry

Being with you, was something i've never regretted at all. Fighting with you, going through a whole lot of shit with you, i've never regretted it at all even if it hurts so much. I've never regretted a single bit at all. I made mistakes, i hurt you, for all the cold nights i gave you, i apologize & for all those shit that i've done, i am sorry but from the day i love you, I've never stop loving you at all.

It has been so crazy for me. I was dying for you. That the thought of you kept coming into my mind. I got so paranoid, being afraid you'd have someone else in your heart. But I held you so tight, that i neglected the fact that you were slowly slipping off me.

I think, it has been 5 months being separated from each other. & i still wouldn't let you go. The reason why i fought for you because i wanted to make things right, fixed whatever that is broken & also because i love you. I thought we could be together again. But slowly, i realize i was just living in denial. You don't need me anymore. I know each time i asked for you, it is just gonna make things worst. Each time i asked for you, it wasn't gonna help at all. I've been a pain in your life, so now, go. I'll leave you alone..

You always ask me, what do i want from you. Now, all i am asking is for you to be happy. I don't expect anything back. As long as you're happy, that will do.

With me.

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everything's nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

Through it all, I made my mistakes
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'll bleed my heart out to show
That I won't let go

Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt
Pieces of memories fall to the ground
I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

All the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to go
have come to an end

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'll bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you don't know what you're looking to find
In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you just never know what you will find (what you will find)

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everything's nothing without you

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'll bleed my heart out to show
that I won't let go (I want you to know)
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'll bleed my heart out to show
that I won't let go

Life

I hate my life right now. I feel so sad almost every single day. Food, that used to make me happy, cannot make me happy anymore. Lost a little bit of weight but that's a good thing. Empty, it's all i feel now. I don't wanna wake up, because it hurts being in reality. It hurts when your minds plays with your heart. & it's not easy juggling every single problems all by yourself.

Sometimes i ask myself, why am i so weak. But i can't find an answer to it. Is this the path that has been planned for me? Then why didn't God plan it to be better.

Am i really happy, if you asked me. Nope, i'm really not.

I need someone to pull me out of my misery.

Pictures do the talking.

我累了, 我真的累了.

All that I've done, all that i've said, all that i've waited, all that i've tried, i don't know anymore.

Another night of thinking, wondering, suffering. I tired of being me, really

Exhausted

I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of hiding my emotions. I'm tired of the same old routine. I'm tired of being stuck. I'm tired of wondering. I'm tiring of being afraid. I'm tired of holding on. I'm tired of doing this. I feel tortured. I feel pain.

I'm tired of being me.

I'm not perfect, but i keep trying.

What i did today.

#1 Attempt to study.

#2 Went to see a doct.

#3 Watson to get new facial wash

#4 Watched GG

#5 Played with dad's Ipad