Picnic with A, A & J(:
Msia.
Sheena's Birthday @ newasia & Rebel(:
Prawning with J, E, V & J(:
19 July, 2011
I love Quotes.
Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t expect someone to read your mind, and don’t play games with heads or hearts. Don’t tell half truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out. Half truths are no better than lies. Don’t be cold to someone you care about, indifference hurts more than angry words.
Love takes effort and acceptance. It won’t always be a happy ride. You’ll cry when you’re hurt, you’ll be sad when you’re ignored. But hold on and always remember. “Love hurts when it is real.
-eletheowl
18 July, 2011
Forgive & Forget.
I'm starting to realize that what we both want, ain't the same.. & i realize everything that i did, wasn't worth it anymore.. Just a few minutes ago, we argued & sadly, things ended. I'm extremely mad till i cried, because i don't understand what did i do to get that tone from you. Was i in the wrong? I know i wasn't.. because i know i did tried & that's enough.
I'm sure most of you know, trust ain't easy to build at all. & it is very important in relationships, be it friendship, kinship, it is equally important.
Once trust is broken, it is not easy to build it back..
I'm not sure if you guys know, actually i'm someone who is really paranoid & negative. Whenever something bad comes into my head, i'd always feel negative & i'd starting thinking if he is lying or is he hanging out with another girl. I guess only my ex boyf knows this, because i'd always question & question non stop..
But for now, I've tried to changed because from the start, J has clearly told me that trust is important & we have to trust each other no matter what.. From being who i was in the past, i became less paranoid. & i changed because i love him & i wanted this relationship to work. However, just recently, i found out that J lied to me.. It was a few in fact. I was really heartbroken. Because i didn't expect him to lie.
At that time, i fell so so hard. I was lost, confused, afraid, angry, disappointed, helpless and all sorts of negative feelings you can think of. I didn't know to do, or what should i do. All i could think of was all the negatives thoughts if we continued our journey.. & i clearly know that things wouldn't be the same anymore. But i questioned myself, do i still love him? Yes, i do & i still want him to be in my life.
I picked myself up, told myself that i'd have to forgive & forget because that's what love is all about. True love is about forgiving & forgetting.. Even though it wasn't easy at all, i did it. I told him that i forgave him but he would have to give me time to forget everything. But he didn't..
After that incident, there were loads of times i doubted him & had the urge to ask him if he was lying, but i kept it all to myself. I wanted to build this trust, i wanted to act on my words that i really did forgave him. Except for a few times, i really had to ask. I don't think i asked a lot.. & he agreed that i could ask too.
However, just awhile ago, i was trying to clear my doubt with him & he suddenly flared up. I really don't understand. I don't think i asked in an offensive manner & i didn't think that i was trying to pick a fight with him.. What hurt the most was when he said why did i want to pick a fight. Nobody knows how much i want to cherish this last 2 weeks with you before you enlist so why would i want to pick a fight with you? All girls feel insecure, they doubt, they don't trust because they love their partners so much that they are afraid that one day they are gonna leave with someone else.. I am afraid too, who isn't?
Broken hearts ain't easy to fix, it'd definitely take some time.. Everything you see it's just on the surface but do you truely understand what is going on deep inside my heart? I am really trying to bring myself up but why do you have to keep bringing me down. Falling down & standing up, falling down & standing up, it is really not easy you know?
When i got brought down by you so badly earlier on & yet i told myself don't give up, i don't know why you had to tweet "If you cannot trust again then I really see no point of us trying so hard to be tgt." Sometimes i really want to you feel the pain that i'm feeling & i want you to go through what i am going through but i know it doesn't work this way..
I'm sure most of you know, trust ain't easy to build at all. & it is very important in relationships, be it friendship, kinship, it is equally important.
Once trust is broken, it is not easy to build it back..
I'm not sure if you guys know, actually i'm someone who is really paranoid & negative. Whenever something bad comes into my head, i'd always feel negative & i'd starting thinking if he is lying or is he hanging out with another girl. I guess only my ex boyf knows this, because i'd always question & question non stop..
But for now, I've tried to changed because from the start, J has clearly told me that trust is important & we have to trust each other no matter what.. From being who i was in the past, i became less paranoid. & i changed because i love him & i wanted this relationship to work. However, just recently, i found out that J lied to me.. It was a few in fact. I was really heartbroken. Because i didn't expect him to lie.
At that time, i fell so so hard. I was lost, confused, afraid, angry, disappointed, helpless and all sorts of negative feelings you can think of. I didn't know to do, or what should i do. All i could think of was all the negatives thoughts if we continued our journey.. & i clearly know that things wouldn't be the same anymore. But i questioned myself, do i still love him? Yes, i do & i still want him to be in my life.
I picked myself up, told myself that i'd have to forgive & forget because that's what love is all about. True love is about forgiving & forgetting.. Even though it wasn't easy at all, i did it. I told him that i forgave him but he would have to give me time to forget everything. But he didn't..
After that incident, there were loads of times i doubted him & had the urge to ask him if he was lying, but i kept it all to myself. I wanted to build this trust, i wanted to act on my words that i really did forgave him. Except for a few times, i really had to ask. I don't think i asked a lot.. & he agreed that i could ask too.
However, just awhile ago, i was trying to clear my doubt with him & he suddenly flared up. I really don't understand. I don't think i asked in an offensive manner & i didn't think that i was trying to pick a fight with him.. What hurt the most was when he said why did i want to pick a fight. Nobody knows how much i want to cherish this last 2 weeks with you before you enlist so why would i want to pick a fight with you? All girls feel insecure, they doubt, they don't trust because they love their partners so much that they are afraid that one day they are gonna leave with someone else.. I am afraid too, who isn't?
Broken hearts ain't easy to fix, it'd definitely take some time.. Everything you see it's just on the surface but do you truely understand what is going on deep inside my heart? I am really trying to bring myself up but why do you have to keep bringing me down. Falling down & standing up, falling down & standing up, it is really not easy you know?
When i got brought down by you so badly earlier on & yet i told myself don't give up, i don't know why you had to tweet "If you cannot trust again then I really see no point of us trying so hard to be tgt." Sometimes i really want to you feel the pain that i'm feeling & i want you to go through what i am going through but i know it doesn't work this way..
Dear Jon,
I just re-read your tweets & i'm sorry for all the nonsense i gave you. All i wanted to say is that i really tried my very best after everything & i really minimized my doubts for you. From the start of this relationship, I've never stop trying at all even though i said mean words to you & initiate breakups.. I really did put my 100% in this & i really wanted this to work. Perhaps, it all wasn't enough..
Love, Lee Ling
15 July, 2011
Driving lesson.
Today i finally drove after 2 weeks of not driving. Reason why was because i went overseas & when i came back, my instructor was in taiwan -.- So had to miss 2 weeks of not driving..
I think....... i'm gonna fail my TP ): which is coming in less than 3 weeks time. Lesson started at 2pm today & we drove around Ubi area. Omg so many cars please. & my TP's gonna be at 0155pm plus it's on a friday too. Won't that means, more cars??!?! I'm shit scare for it, seriously. I really want to pass my TPPPPPPPP ):
12 July, 2011
BANGKOK BABY
So, i went to bkk for the 3rd time. Still not familiarize with the place fully but right now i am. I'm really glad for this trip because it bring us closer together after those horrible quarrels. I'm happy that things are pretty much back on track now(:
I miss BKK already ): I miss the overseas feeling. I love it. & this time it made me felt much more independent because i only went with Baby. The previous time i went was with my dad & he was there to settle everything for me. But for this trip, i had to do it on my own. I thought Baby was more 'expert' in it but i was wrong -.- He was more stupid than i am. Lol!
We arrived at BKK at about 530pm at their local timing.( if i'm not wrong) Settled our stuffs at the hotel & our first stop was to Pat Pong Night market. WILL NEVER GO THERE AGAIN. I HATE THAT PLACE TTM!!!! We got cheated so badly & i was rather traumatize by it. This was what happen. After alighting the cab, this guy suddenly brought us to watch some ping pong show & he said it only cost 100 baht. We followed him up to some place & omg the show was DISGUSTING. Can you imagine, looking at FAT NAKED OLD LADIES DANCING & DOING SOME SHIT IN THEIR V******?!??! Baby was ultimate disgusted so we quickily finish up the beer & wanted to walk to pay the bill. Then suddenly some old lady came out & started shouting at us asking to pay up. Then another lady came & they both started shouting asking to pay 3800 baht. We both got the shock of our lives. I took out my calculator & calculatated how much was 3800baht in sing. & it was $150++?????!!!!!!!! *&^%$#@! Clear enough, we were definitely cheated. I was fucking pissed off & it ruined the whole of my night. & when baby was counting the money to give them, this fucking lady kept taking it when he haven't even count finish. I swear if i'm not in thailand i'd have fucking throw the beer bottle at her. URGHHHHHH I HOPE THEY GET THEIR KARMA!!!!
Our 2nd day was much better(: Had breakie at the hotel & we met this really nice thai teacher where he told us where to visit in BKK & he even hired a tuk tuk for us which only cost us 20 baht to a few places. Shopped at platinium mall omgggg my shopping paradiseeeee ^^ Baby was damn bored there hehehe but i'm thankful for him cause he helped me carry all my shopping bags! Then in the night, we headed to Khao San. The night market's something like pat pong but it is so much better & it feels livelier there!
On the 3rd day, we went to central world, bobae market, chutuchak( not opened :'( ), mbk mall & siam square. Siam square was good tooo i like itttttttt(:
I miss BKK already ): I miss the overseas feeling. I love it. & this time it made me felt much more independent because i only went with Baby. The previous time i went was with my dad & he was there to settle everything for me. But for this trip, i had to do it on my own. I thought Baby was more 'expert' in it but i was wrong -.- He was more stupid than i am. Lol!
We arrived at BKK at about 530pm at their local timing.( if i'm not wrong) Settled our stuffs at the hotel & our first stop was to Pat Pong Night market. WILL NEVER GO THERE AGAIN. I HATE THAT PLACE TTM!!!! We got cheated so badly & i was rather traumatize by it. This was what happen. After alighting the cab, this guy suddenly brought us to watch some ping pong show & he said it only cost 100 baht. We followed him up to some place & omg the show was DISGUSTING. Can you imagine, looking at FAT NAKED OLD LADIES DANCING & DOING SOME SHIT IN THEIR V******?!??! Baby was ultimate disgusted so we quickily finish up the beer & wanted to walk to pay the bill. Then suddenly some old lady came out & started shouting at us asking to pay up. Then another lady came & they both started shouting asking to pay 3800 baht. We both got the shock of our lives. I took out my calculator & calculatated how much was 3800baht in sing. & it was $150++?????!!!!!!!! *&^%$#@! Clear enough, we were definitely cheated. I was fucking pissed off & it ruined the whole of my night. & when baby was counting the money to give them, this fucking lady kept taking it when he haven't even count finish. I swear if i'm not in thailand i'd have fucking throw the beer bottle at her. URGHHHHHH I HOPE THEY GET THEIR KARMA!!!!
Our 2nd day was much better(: Had breakie at the hotel & we met this really nice thai teacher where he told us where to visit in BKK & he even hired a tuk tuk for us which only cost us 20 baht to a few places. Shopped at platinium mall omgggg my shopping paradiseeeee ^^ Baby was damn bored there hehehe but i'm thankful for him cause he helped me carry all my shopping bags! Then in the night, we headed to Khao San. The night market's something like pat pong but it is so much better & it feels livelier there!
On the 3rd day, we went to central world, bobae market, chutuchak( not opened :'( ), mbk mall & siam square. Siam square was good tooo i like itttttttt(:
05 July, 2011
04 July, 2011
)':
Sigh, during the night it's the hardest.. Idk why but i feel so much more emotional during the night. I want to cry, i want to scream, i want everything that i cannot have ): I want to talk to you so so bad, i want to see you sooooooooooo badly but i know it will never work. I want to be strong. ON MY OWN.
Wished we could still be happy like before. Always teasing one another, laughing at our jokes, calling each other fat, farting at each other's faces, watching shows on funshion together, trying to act like liu sing & jiu gu niang, cooking together, our gok lok chok, teasing snowball, masking together, washing the car together, stealing my pillow, pulling each other's hair, playing fishing joy together, eating & getting fat together, running together, playing badminton together, plucking armpit hairs, lying down beside one another doing nothing, sitting at the beach having heart to heart talks, tucking me to bed, commenting & laughing at random strangers, wearing your shirt to sleep, warning me in a joking manner asking me to stop wearing your tshirts because you want to wear them out, dancing to your club song like doraemon, doing your angry face & so many more........
Goodbye forever.
They are all memories now.
03 July, 2011
01 July, 2011
Truth hurts but lies' worst.
You don't know how devestated i am right now you really don't. But do you know what, after all that you've done, after all those lies, i'm still hesitating. I still want you in my life, but i am afraid to take another time like this. I don't know why you can lie right into my face, i really don't. I can't even bear to lie to you because i know the consequences and i know how much it would hurt if i do. But why, why am i the one getting it. I trusted you, i really did. There were only times when i questioned because of stuffs that i wanted to know. But after that i stopped. Why the person that i trusted, believed, risked my heart to, had to hurt me like this. You doubted that i had some guys outside, everything i told you. I came clean with you about EVERYTHING. Be it unimportant or important, i told you. Because you were the one who told me TRUST is very important in the r/s. You know that i am a very paranoid person, it's really not easy for me to trust but still i did. There were times when your friend lied to their girlf & when we talked about it, we agreed that be it a major/minor/white lie, still we shouldn't lie to one another.
You know, my heart just dropped when i found out everything. I was filled with anger, but seeing you sleeping soundly right beside me, my heart just went soft. & at that point of time, i really didn't know what to do or what should i do. I was very very angry but should i wake you up? & no, i didn't.. But what was the attitude you gave to me when you woke up & found out i knew about everything. The reaction you gave me, just shot my heart another time. I felt so upset, so fucking upset.
What did i do wrong? Why are people always lying to me? Why of all people, YOU?
I'm really lost. I'm really afraid. My heart says don't let go, but my mind says let go. If i let go, i'm gonna lose the person that i love a lot. But if i don't, what if this happens again?
God, please led me the way.
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