You don't know how devestated i am right now you really don't. But do you know what, after all that you've done, after all those lies, i'm still hesitating. I still want you in my life, but i am afraid to take another time like this. I don't know why you can lie right into my face, i really don't. I can't even bear to lie to you because i know the consequences and i know how much it would hurt if i do. But why, why am i the one getting it. I trusted you, i really did. There were only times when i questioned because of stuffs that i wanted to know. But after that i stopped. Why the person that i trusted, believed, risked my heart to, had to hurt me like this. You doubted that i had some guys outside, everything i told you. I came clean with you about EVERYTHING. Be it unimportant or important, i told you. Because you were the one who told me TRUST is very important in the r/s. You know that i am a very paranoid person, it's really not easy for me to trust but still i did. There were times when your friend lied to their girlf & when we talked about it, we agreed that be it a major/minor/white lie, still we shouldn't lie to one another.
You know, my heart just dropped when i found out everything. I was filled with anger, but seeing you sleeping soundly right beside me, my heart just went soft. & at that point of time, i really didn't know what to do or what should i do. I was very very angry but should i wake you up? & no, i didn't.. But what was the attitude you gave to me when you woke up & found out i knew about everything. The reaction you gave me, just shot my heart another time. I felt so upset, so fucking upset.
What did i do wrong? Why are people always lying to me? Why of all people, YOU?
I'm really lost. I'm really afraid. My heart says don't let go, but my mind says let go. If i let go, i'm gonna lose the person that i love a lot. But if i don't, what if this happens again?
God, please led me the way.
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